East Tennessee Bikers

General => Open Discussion => Topic started by: Chris on January 15, 2014, 07:08:56 pm

Title: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 15, 2014, 07:08:56 pm
Please post some Biker Jokes.  I can use the laugh!


Since I own a Beemer, let's pick on them first:


What kind of tyres do BMW owners like on their bikes?

                    SNOBBIES!


Why do Bimmer guys pick the German bikes?


                   It's the only brand they can spell.



The BMW faithful will tell you that BMW stands for Best Motorcycle in the World.  But what do the letters really stand for?


                  Bring Miene Wallet    (or when working on one:  Built Mighty Weird or Bike Might Work)


 
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 15, 2014, 07:23:22 pm
Jeez, once you get started it's hard to stop.


Here's a couple more:


How can you tell when a BMW rider is having an affair?


          If the rider's and passenger's jackets don't match


What's the cheapest part on a BMW?


         The Rider


Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on January 15, 2014, 08:30:23 pm
Jeez, once you get started it's hard to stop.


Here's a couple more:


How can you tell when a BMW rider is having an affair?


          If the rider's and passenger's jackets don't match


What's the cheapest part on a BMW?


         The Rider




 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: suzukibandit03 on January 15, 2014, 09:24:12 pm
Them are pretty good
Title: Re:
Post by: emd513 on January 15, 2014, 09:55:15 pm
B.m.w bastard motor works.

sent from that a%@ holes phone
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 16, 2014, 06:19:49 am
Holy Smoke! You couldn't make some of this stuff up!  Some of the best BMW jokes are true events. Here's an ABC News item from 2012.

It's a wonder this hasn't been used in a BMW commercial.  Perhaps something like, "BMW: We ride harder than anybody!" or "We Promise Your Wife Won't Mind the Price...Ride a BMW!"  I've got a K-bike with a Corbin seat similar to Mr. Wolf's but I guess I'm sitting on it wrong or something as I haven't noticed any similar...ah..."problem".

BTW:  I've included news of the current status of the suit at the end of this post.


*******************


http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/05/01/man-blames-bmw-for-long-lasting-erection/


*******************


Man Sues BMW for Long-Lasting Erection





 By Kim Carollo

@kimcarollo
   
Posted on ABC News May 1, 2012 2:51pm

A California  man blames his motorcycle seat for a painful erection he said lasted nearly two years.

Henry Wolf, 52, is now suing BMW of North America,  the motorcycle’s manufacturer, and Corbin-Pacific, the maker of the seat, for lost wages, medical expenses and emotional distress.

According to his attorney, Vernon Bradley, Wolf took a four-hour ride – two hours each way – on his 1993 motorcycle on May 1, 2010.  After the trip, he developed priapism, a prolonged, unwanted, persistent and painful erection of the lmao that for Wolf has  lasted 24 hours a day since the ride.

“It’s very embarrassing, and all kind of problems developed,” Bradley told ABC News.  “He had to reconfigure his clothing, and going to the bathroom was  a problem.”

And recently things have gotten worse, Bradley said.  Wolf is now unable to have an erection.

Wolf consulted a number of physicians, who told him the condition was the result of both the configuration of the seat and the long motorcycle ride.

Dr. Ramgopal Satyanarayana, associate professor of urology at the University of Miami’s Miller School of Medicine, said that while he isn’t involved in Wolf’s case, he has never heard of a case of priapism caused by a motorcycle seat.

Priapism, he said, can be a side effect of certain medications, such as Viagra, Cialis and antipsychotics.  It can also develop as a complication of sickle cell anemia, a disease that causes red blood cells to take on an abnormal shape.  In rare cases, Satyanarayana said, priapism could be the result of trauma.

If not treated early, Satyanarayana said, priapism could lead to permanent erectile dysfunction.

“For treatment, we tell them to take pseudoephedrine, and if that doesn’t bring it down, we actually inject medications that can arrest the amount of blood coming in.  If that doesn’t work, we have to operatively reduce it.”

Wolf’s doctors tried the more conservative treatments, his attorney said, and told him the only other option was surgery.

“If that surgery is not successful, he will never be able to get an erection with a pump or anything else,” Bradley said.

Bradley plans to serve the lawsuits this week, and the companies have 30 days to respond.  He is seeking an unspecified amount of damages.


**********************

Current status of the suit:


The case (Superior Court of San Francisco case number CGC-12-520316) is still ongoing with the most recent filing (#105) occurring on 14 November 2013. 


http://www.plainsite.org/dockets/index.html?id=2818899
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on January 16, 2014, 06:55:50 am
What's the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?


 Placement of the dirtbag.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Curtie223 on January 16, 2014, 08:50:23 am
:lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on January 16, 2014, 09:50:55 am
Not a motorcycle joke but another for the BMW brand of auto...

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The pricks are on the OUTSIDE of the porcupine.

Sonny
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris_T on January 16, 2014, 03:18:34 pm
BMW = Bring Money With you
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on January 16, 2014, 03:39:08 pm
The best motorcycle joke I really know consists of only two words.



Harley Davidson.


What a joke
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Bobert on January 16, 2014, 07:03:39 pm
The best motorcycle joke I really know consists of only two words.



Harley Davidson.


What a joke
That's funny right there


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on January 16, 2014, 09:21:14 pm
The best motorcycle joke I really know consists of only two words.



Harley Davidson.


What a joke


 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 17, 2014, 06:26:58 am
A BMW rider is riding along one day and spots a H-D on the side of the road with its rider kneeling next to the bike.  He stops and asks the Harley guy if there's anything wrong.  "This dang hose slipped off its fitting," says rider, "and I don't have any pliers to push it back on with."  "No problem," says the Beemer rider, "this Bimmer comes with a great tool kit and you can use mine."  "Nope, they won't fit", answers the Harley guy, "Your bikes metric and mine is American."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on January 17, 2014, 08:11:08 am
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 20, 2014, 04:12:01 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/922/ufTy5c.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmufTy5cj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 20, 2014, 04:23:27 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/Jc7rwe.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnJc7rwej)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on January 20, 2014, 05:43:17 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/Jc7rwe.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnJc7rwej)

*snicker snicker*   The choice is obvious no?
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on January 20, 2014, 06:29:14 pm
 :lol. I like that one :)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on January 20, 2014, 07:56:04 pm
Tried to take a pic of this. It did not come out so good but was the best I could do. The bicycle biker says to the outlaw "You are in the wrong bar Pal".
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 22, 2014, 10:18:52 pm
In Germany it's fairly common to find roadside speed indicators reminding you to slow down, especially when entering a town.  In this cartoon from the German motorcycle accessory shop chain Louis we can see that bikers being bikers, sometimes things don't always work out that way.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeZ9Vjc012Y
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 22, 2014, 10:25:26 pm
Here's another Louis / Motomania  video.  This one's for all you drag racers out there.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDRXb-xnwKA
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 22, 2014, 10:31:22 pm
In this Louis / Motomania clip we get to see that bikers are the same whether they're riding the Dragon or the Nürburgring Nordschleife.  It's all about beating your buddy...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGz6yQ0ec5o
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on January 22, 2014, 10:38:25 pm
Those are pretty good Chris. :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: skeeter on January 23, 2014, 02:35:47 am
i was going down the road & saw a guy with his bike down. that is an old school deal .not laided down , just down.just stopped . he was beside it looking at it. so i stopped to see what was wrong .he said he thought there was something with the carb. so i looked & saw it was a harley & said," yup , the carb needs a new motorcycle on it "  :groan :groan 
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on January 23, 2014, 08:53:47 am
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 28, 2014, 01:57:51 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/922/OLfL6U.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmOLfL6Uj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on January 28, 2014, 04:22:03 pm
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/4c821a778c22862c6397300fdedb7d7e.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/4c821a778c22862c6397300fdedb7d7e.jpg.html)

Pretty sure those were the first words out of my mouth after my accident when people came running up.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: DragonRider on January 30, 2014, 07:51:02 am
BMW = Broke My Wallet.  As someone with a Mini Cooper S (built by BMW) I can attest it's true...

Chris, love the vids!

The first one reminded me of this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS8LLnKXx3s
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 30, 2014, 08:58:43 am
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 31, 2014, 04:34:29 am
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/Hayabusa.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/Hayabusa.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 09, 2014, 06:22:03 am
Top 10 reasons Harley riders don’t wave back

1.Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
2.Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
3.Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
4.Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
5.Rushing wind would blow scabs off new tattoos.
6.Angry because they just took out a second mortgage to paint their house orange and black.
7.Just discovered the fine print in the owner's manual and realized that their HD has a lot of Japanese parts.
8.Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
9.Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back... he impaled his hand on a spiked helmet.

And the final reason Harley riders don't wave back:
1.They're jealous that after spending $30,000 they still don't own a bike that performs any better than a 1981 Honda CM400.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 09, 2014, 06:23:31 am
Top 10 reasons Goldwing riders don't wave back

1.Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
2.Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
3.Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
4.Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
5.The on-board espresso machine just finished brewing.
6.Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
7.Was in a three-way conference call with his stockbroker and his accessories dealer.
8.Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard.
9.Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.

And the final reason Goldwing riders don't wave back:
1.They couldn't see through the glare from the chromed dash accents.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 09, 2014, 06:31:35 am
Top 10 reasons Sport Bike riders don't wave back

1.Blow-by oncoming riders so fast, the wave is 1/4 mile down the road.
2.New leathers are so stiff can't lift his arm.
3.When tucked-in, can't see chit through the windscreen.
4.Hands are so numb, can't feel 'em.
5.Butt hurts so much the rider only wants to get to the next stop to get off the bike.
6.Afraid to raise arm for fear of getting blown off the scoot.
7.Ain't got time to wave, always stirring the 6-speed gearbox.
8.Upsets your line going through corners.
9.Slows you down a few mph.
10. Sulking because the last Harley Davidson rider passed didn't wave.

And the final reason Crotch Rocket riders don't wave back:
1.Didn't see ya' dude, was looking for my line!
Title: Re:
Post by: emd513 on February 09, 2014, 06:44:01 am
^^^^ lol

sent from that a%@ holes phone
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on February 09, 2014, 08:13:06 am
 :34 those are great
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 09, 2014, 03:11:30 pm
Top 10 reasons BMW riders don't wave back

1. They're busy still trying to figure out the wacky turn signal switches.
2. Waving might crease the color coordinated BMW riding gear.
3. They're really leery of giving raised arm salutes!
4. Busy checking with their stock brokers to see if they can afford any new accessories.
5. Forgot to enable "Friendliness" in their computerized rider aids.
6. Too busy staring at the GPS trying to figure out where they are.
7. Still recovering from the trauma of the good Bavarian beer at lunch being served in a glass instead of a ceramic stein.
8. Busy humming the tuba part of Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries."
9. Still savoring the Münchner Schnitzel mit kartoffelsalat he had at lunch, even if the beer wasn't in the correct stein.
10. Too busy plotting to have all Harley Davidson riders sent to the camps because the one he passed didn't wave.

And the final reason BMW riders don't wave back:
1. If they waved back to one they'd have to wave back to all the peasants.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on February 09, 2014, 07:27:00 pm
Mmmmmm. Espresso. ...
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 12, 2014, 01:29:54 pm
How many riders does it take to change an oil filter?

How many BMW riders does it take to change the oil filter?

     -- Two: one laying on the ground doing the work (preferably at a picturesque campsite); one taking photos to post.

How many H-D riders does it take?

     -- Two: one to ask, "What's an oil filter?" and one to ask, "What, and get my new chaps dirty?"

How many Wingnuts to do the same job?

     -- Two: one to remove the LED illuminated chrome cover over the oil filter, one to switch on the auto-replacement feature.

How many trike riders would you need?

     -- Two: one to remove the filter while standing in a Jiffy Lube pit, one to hold up the front wheel.

How many sports bikers are needed?

     -- Four: a pit crew

And how many squids?

     -- None: their bikes are crashed or repossessed before the filters need changing.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 20, 2014, 01:37:14 am
I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: skeeter on May 20, 2014, 02:08:06 am
if you wrote that chris ,good writing , & just a joke . ha ha .  :happypep
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on May 20, 2014, 06:00:20 am
It takes a twisted mind to come up with something like that.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 20, 2014, 06:29:45 am
One day a man decided to retire…
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank.”
“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”
“But, where did you get the tools?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ” On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”
The guy is stunned.
“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.”
“Would you like a drink?”
“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”
“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
“I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

“You’ve built a motorcycle?”
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on May 20, 2014, 12:50:36 pm
Sick, sick, sick sense of humor. Where do you find these things?
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on May 20, 2014, 03:59:35 pm
Sick, sick, sick sense of humor. Where do you find these things?


At least he has jokes he can tell.

Most of the jokes I know aren't fit for public display.  >:D
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on May 20, 2014, 04:17:38 pm
Most of the jokes I hear, I am unable to remember.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on May 20, 2014, 07:12:18 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 20, 2014, 09:05:50 pm

Not really a motorcycle joke but funny anyway.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y1e0skfJts
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 20, 2014, 09:50:04 pm
A pretty funny old Kawasaki ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cMHuPPaNiE
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on May 21, 2014, 04:20:17 pm
I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...


Bahahaha
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on May 21, 2014, 04:23:55 pm
A pretty funny old Kawasaki ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cMHuPPaNiE



okay, i giggled at this one.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 23, 2014, 04:44:30 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/924/VZ9np3.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poVZ9np3j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 23, 2014, 04:35:14 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/924/CDhXK8.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poCDhXK8j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on May 26, 2014, 06:42:30 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:20:46 pm
 A successful gynecologist decides to fulfill his life's dream: give up medical practice and become a motorcycle mechanic.
So he gets out of the medical business and enrolls at a mechanic's seminar with Harley Davidson.
After many weeks of training comes the final examination, taking apart and then re-assembling a randomly chosen Harley engine.
He grabs his tools and sets to work, but soon he gets worried: while he is still working on the valve-covers, everybody else is already busy with removing the cylinder heads.
He falls more and more behind, and as he is just starting to put it all back together, everybody else is already finished.
He manages to put the engine back together, barely in time before the exam ends.
Because it took him so much longer than everybody else, he goes straight to the teacher to ask how he performed.
"Well," the teacher says, "out of one hundred possible points you scored 150." "But how is that possible?" the ex-gynecologist asks.
"Well, it breaks down to this: You get fifty points for correctly taking the engine apart. And you get another fifty points for putting it back together perfectly." "And what did I get those additional fifty points for?"
"For doing it all through the exhaust."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:24:23 pm
A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
 
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
 
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
 
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
 
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley ...YOU RIDE IT!!"
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:26:37 pm
Biker walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. Bartender asks "where'd ya get that?" And the pig says " I won him in a raffle."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:30:04 pm
An Irishman biker named O'Malley went to his doctor. The doctor, after an
examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and
you'd best put your affairs in order."

 O'Malley was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the
waiting room, where his son, also a biker, had been waiting.

 "Well, son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate
when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer.
Let's ride the bikes to the pub and have a few pints."

 After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of
O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were
celebrating.

 O'Malley told his friends they were drinking to his impending end. "I
have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their
condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.

 After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad,
I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends
you were dying of AIDS."

 O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after
I'm gone."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:30:41 pm

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in Alberta. Bert always wanted a
pair of authentic Harley biker boots. So seeing some on sale one day,
he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into
the house and says to his wife, notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and
walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything  different NOW?'

Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging
down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'

Furious, Bert yells, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope,' she replies.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING DOWN
AT MY NEW HARLEY BOOTS!!!!!'
 
To which Margaret replies... 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:31:49 pm
The Harley 11 Commandments!

1. The one true American-made motorcycle is the Harley-davidson, and thou shalt put no other motorcycles before it.

2. Thou shalt not bow down and worship nor serve the god of chrome; for, lo, he is a false god and will not get thy butt home.

3. Dishonor thy authorized dealer and thy hog chapter officers, and may the fleas of 1000 camels crawl on there nutsacks!

4. Remember the weekend, and keep it open. for it is written, five days shalt thou labor, and for two days shalt thou ride thy Harley, drink beer, and "potty mouth! " off.

5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Harley, nor her manservant, nor her maidservant, nor her ox, nor her cute little ass.

6. From the throne of thine Harley, thou shalt not stoop to wave at sinners who ride jap-crap, for jap-crap is known to be the handiwork of the devil.

7. Thou shalt not pass by nor turn away from thy brother Harley rider who is in mechanical distress.

8. Thou shalt not pose. verily, i say unto you, it is easier for a poser to pass his gold visa card through the eye of a needle than to enter into the true fellowship of Harley-davidson heaven.

9. When riding thy Harley on the road of life, thou shalt not whine nor snivel, and thou shalt not suffer to ride alongside those who do.

10. Park not thy Harley in the darkness of thine garage, that it may collect dust for want of being oft ridden. ride thy Harley with thy brethren, and rejoice in the spirit of the road.

11. Let not thy Biker Babe go pantyless for she may stick to your Harley.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:37:31 pm
A biker walks into a bar carrying a head.  Bartender asks "Hey whats up with the head?"
He says I found this on the road and figured I'd get him a drink.  The biker orders two
shots of wiskey and gives one to the head.

Well lo and behold the head starts shaking and all of a sudden he grows a neck and shoulders.
The biker orders another shot and gives it to the head.  Again he starts shaking and grows
a body and arms.

The biker and the bartender are amazed and the biker says wow, I've got to order him one more.
The bartender pours him another shot and the man grows legs and walks around saying this
is the best I have ever felt in my life.

The biker is simply amazed and in awe at what has just happened and orders two more drinks,
one for him and his new friend.

The head takes his shot and drinks it down with his own hand, he immediately starts shaking
and drops dead on the floor.  The biker can't believe what just happened, he looks over at
the bartender with a inquiring look on his face and asks "what happened?"

The bartender just said in a sad voice, "he should have quit while he was a head"
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:42:43 pm
A blonde biker chick was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local motorycle cop pulled her over and walked up to the bike. The officer, who also happened to be a blonde, asked for the blonde biker's driver's license.

The blonde biker chick searched frantically in her saddlebag for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde female cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde biker chick frantically searched her saddlebag again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde motorcycle cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the blonde biker chick and said, "Sorry, you're free to go. If I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:44:00 pm
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:46:14 pm
Two bikers riding across Texas are pulled over by a police cruiser. The officer walks up to the first biker, pauses while the riders remove their helmets, then pulls out his nightstick and whacks the first biker atop his head with the club.

AAOOWW!" the biker yells, "why'd yah do that!"
 
You're in Texas now, son," the trooper replied, "when an officer pulls you over, you pull out your license and hand it to him with a smile when he reaches you." After writing the ticket, the cop moves over to the other biker, who's now holding out HIS driving license and smiling. After the cop writes the ticket for this biker, he whacks HIM over the head with his nightstick.\
 
AAAOOOOWWWW!!" biker number 2 yells. "Why'd you hit ME? I GAVE you my damn license!"
Jest makin' yer wish come true, son," the cop answers.
 
"What?

Two miles down the road," the cop says, "you was gonna tell ur buddy, 'I wish that lousy sonofabitch would've tried that sh!t with ME!"
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 26, 2014, 07:47:16 pm
A  drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a
drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He
gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,
biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck
naked.   Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.  His  buddies are
confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a
hat.  The drunk leans on the table again and  says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I  ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still
says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders
looks him square in the eyes and says....................

'Grandpa;.......  Go home!   
You're  drunk!' .
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on May 26, 2014, 09:10:05 pm
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.


Haha...think it will work? Anybody want to volunteer to try it?
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 27, 2014, 06:13:27 pm
Bob was out riding on his bike one cold day when the zipper on his leather jacket split. Since he still had a way to go, he stopped, put the jacket on backwards to keep the cold air off his chest and continued rider. Unfortunately, he his a slick spot on a corner and crashed into a tree, somewhat stunned.

When the ambulance arrived a while later, they asked the good Samaritan on the scene what happened. "Well, when I arrived there was the crashed bike at the tree and the rider was stumbling around. But by the time I got his helmet turned around straight, he was dead."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 27, 2014, 06:15:30 pm
A guy on a Harley stops in at a gas station to buy condoms. He brings his items to the counter and the cashier rings him up. As he's paying the cashier politely asks if he'd like a bag. The Harley guy responds, "Why? She ain't that ugly."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 27, 2014, 10:26:49 pm
CAUTION WIDE SCREEN LOAD

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/soiFJS.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnsoiFJSj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 28, 2014, 05:04:30 pm
OMG that is to funny
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 30, 2014, 01:53:48 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/4VHkiI.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pn4VHkiIj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 30, 2014, 02:09:13 pm
Feeling the BMW love here:


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/AHvUti.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnAHvUtij)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on May 30, 2014, 05:40:53 pm
Feeling the BMW love here:

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/AHvUti.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnAHvUtij)


...I must not be grown up yet then. Lol.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 31, 2014, 07:14:28 am
I see at least one idiot a day in riding in shorts
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gotgixers on May 31, 2014, 06:45:34 pm
I see it all the time in Athens .... :groan
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RandyRocks77 on May 31, 2014, 07:21:26 pm
I saw one of my co-workers today.. riding his R6 with a tank top on
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 31, 2014, 08:44:12 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/EfbycL.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnEfbycLj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on June 13, 2014, 04:04:35 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/jwY4md.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnjwY4mdj)
Title: The oulaw biker: then and now
Post by: Chris on August 28, 2014, 06:54:51 pm
Things change.  One of those changes is how disaffected youth use a motorcycle to piss off the populace.

Being an outlaw biker:


Here's the old way:

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/Q1oPRD.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnQ1oPRDj)

and here's the new:

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/DOZ9d3.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmDOZ9d3j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 28, 2014, 07:24:00 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/922/PcgvXa.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmPcgvXaj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on August 28, 2014, 09:58:51 pm
I can see why he was confused.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on August 29, 2014, 07:13:59 am
that guy must be a newely wed (like less than 5 years).  in a marriage, anytime a woman says "do whatever the f*** you want" it has NEVER actually meant "do whatever the f*** you want"  it's ovary oriented code for "you had better figure out what the h*** it is that i want quick"

granted it takes a few years and a few scars for the average man to learn this.  hence my assumption that the guy is a newely wed.   :whistle
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on August 29, 2014, 10:16:59 am
Or married too long to care.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on August 29, 2014, 03:27:20 pm
Reason #3759 I never got married...  ;D

Sonny
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on August 29, 2014, 03:55:55 pm
I have been married 24 yrs now and for the most part do what I want.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 08, 2014, 04:02:35 pm
MOTORCYCLE MATH MADE EASY!



n+1



The final formula for the exact number of motorcycles you need to have.

Where n is the number of motorcycles you currently have.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on September 08, 2014, 05:24:37 pm
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: RayMan on September 08, 2014, 07:41:33 pm
MOTORCYCLE MATH MADE EASY!



n+1



The final formula for the exact number of motorcycles you need to have.

Where n is the number of motorcycles you currently have.



Hahaha, that is awesome. Had to steal it.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 09, 2014, 04:50:36 pm
So that's why they call them Ninjas!

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/E39fQo.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poE39fQoj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 09, 2014, 06:42:34 pm
Now that's what I call hugging a curve.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on September 09, 2014, 06:54:17 pm
I was wondering what that was called.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 13, 2014, 06:20:48 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/b2OZX5.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pob2OZX5j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on September 13, 2014, 08:37:29 am
Looks like a fun ride! :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 14, 2014, 06:35:07 am
Here's a fun helmet idea and it would make you a major hero to every passing preschooler!  (It needs a dark shield though.)

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/qaJ5vw.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmqaJ5vwj)
Title: Re: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: IanC on September 18, 2014, 09:51:54 am
 http://www.ironhorsehelmets.com/Motorcycle-Helmet-Covers/  (http://www.ironhorsehelmets.com/Motorcycle-Helmet-Covers/)

Your source for those helmet covers.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on September 18, 2014, 08:39:58 pm
Ok...That's pretty awesome.  :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 19, 2014, 03:35:33 am
An oldie but still pretty funny....and true.

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/lpeXQs.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnlpeXQsj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 19, 2014, 06:28:43 am
 :34    :lol

Chris I'm stealing that and putting it on facebook.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on September 19, 2014, 07:33:57 pm
I like that one. Illustrates the difference between men and women.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 22, 2014, 07:24:06 am
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............'
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 22, 2014, 09:17:18 am
Both of the last two jokes are really funny.  Looks like ETB is going to have to set up a Diversity Training Class.  I will volunteer to be the instructor as I've been to a Diversity class 3 times.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on September 22, 2014, 02:35:38 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on September 22, 2014, 06:24:31 pm
 :n21  :ditto
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 23, 2014, 03:43:29 am
Where do I sign up for the diversity training...I want to learn to be diverse.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on September 23, 2014, 10:09:50 am
Chris
You are about the most diverse guy that I know.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 23, 2014, 12:33:10 pm
Can you just think how few jokes could be told following diversity training.  No ethnic jokes, no skinny, fat, short, tall, anyone from any state, blondes, redheads, etc.  Sure cuts down laughability.  That also includes rednecks, hillbillies, yankees, rebs, orientals, etc.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 25, 2014, 01:35:42 pm
 ;D  biker chicks
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 25, 2014, 06:27:21 pm
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 25, 2014, 07:10:48 pm
Just love the Biker Chicks.  Now that would look good on a T-shirt, "I like Biker Chicks" with that picture.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 26, 2014, 06:04:30 am
 :ditto  i LIKE it!!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 26, 2014, 06:24:29 am
 :groan
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 29, 2014, 09:13:28 am
.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on September 29, 2014, 02:41:03 pm
 :lol

Or engineers?
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on September 29, 2014, 03:04:53 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 30, 2014, 06:28:53 am
 :what

nice one Rick.

 :groan   
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 15, 2014, 10:44:45 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/j17Syf.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnj17Syfj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on October 16, 2014, 07:11:24 am
 :lol

i LIKE it!!!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 04, 2015, 10:22:26 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izzlN2zC8PU
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 04, 2015, 10:25:21 am
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u19/vmaxgirl/helmets.jpg)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 04, 2015, 10:38:54 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/FzGUKN.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poFzGUKNj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 09, 2015, 04:00:52 pm
(http://i222.photobucket.com/albums/dd92/evangelisthall/extremebiking.jpg) (http://s222.photobucket.com/user/evangelisthall/media/extremebiking.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 09, 2015, 04:06:59 pm


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzBGmDgkNRk
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 27, 2015, 11:10:59 am
Here's Rick's new bike!

Bobbers are so last year...now we have Bombers!


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/jwOuxx.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnjwOuxxj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on January 27, 2015, 11:16:16 am
 I like it.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 27, 2015, 11:39:38 am
Motorcycling:  You start the game with a full pot of luck and an empty pot of experience...

The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 27, 2015, 12:04:19 pm
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London.

One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, an American Biker sat down in the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the Biker kicked his boots off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."

" Don't get up," said the Biker, "I'm in the aisle seat; I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Biker's boot and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the Biker obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up his other boot and spat in it. When the Biker returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Biker slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on January 27, 2015, 08:34:18 pm
Here's Rick's new bike!

Bobbers are so last year...now we have Bombers!


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/jwOuxx.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnjwOuxxj)

:21


Hell, i'd ride it
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on January 28, 2015, 08:12:01 am
 :what

 :34

Chris I thought the 'Bobmer" bike was brilliant.  But the airplane joke had me having to explain myself to my officemate.  That was awesome!!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on January 29, 2015, 04:13:41 am
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 08, 2015, 12:00:28 am
After years of development those clever Germans have come up with a high tech crash proof motorcycle...or have they?


This video demonstrates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTg7PUSVidI
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on March 08, 2015, 10:47:29 am
Needs work.

 :groan
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on March 08, 2015, 04:11:13 pm
Maybe it's computer system only looks forward.  Need Omni View.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 10, 2015, 02:51:51 am
This isn't a motorcycle joke but this photo struck me as a bit funny.

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/xux6if.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnxux6ifj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on March 10, 2015, 08:13:09 am
 :o

 :31
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 10, 2015, 09:29:18 am
JOHNSON MARINE TO PRODUCE MOTORCYCLES

At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

 Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, "We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers". Long added, "We at Johnson are convinced that our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to accomplish".

 The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. "Our research show that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after".

 At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agreed. "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner." But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson."

 Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very important to people. If they don't have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one."

 Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both." "Given the choice," said Long, "I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson."

 Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $20,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

 One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 20 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 20 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs."

 Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now being established, said her motto is simple. "I service what we sell." Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Marid2apterbilt on March 10, 2015, 11:30:52 am
:34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on March 10, 2015, 01:03:20 pm
Chris, did you take the job of Pubic Relations at the White House?  Does it pay off or is it a job you can barely hang on.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 10, 2015, 07:53:52 pm
Chris, did you take the job of Pubic Relations at the White House?  Does it pay off or is it a job you can barely hang on.

I saw what you did there!   ;D
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on March 11, 2015, 03:18:11 am
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 12, 2015, 09:58:10 am
 A traveling salesman has an audience with the head of a major business and, not quite knowing what to say tries to break the ice with a joke...  "Have you heard the one about the two Harley Davidson owners?"

" I am a Harley owner." the business owner says angrily.

There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ...

"That's OK, sir, I'll tell you it slowly."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 12, 2015, 10:20:09 am
Supposedly one of several billboards paid for by BMW to congratulate HD during it's 2003 centenary year.


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/F9CmwN.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poF9CmwNj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 17, 2015, 08:17:38 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/j2dJfn.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmj2dJfnj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 17, 2015, 08:20:14 pm
Funny...and true!

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/K8uSkd.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poK8uSkdj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 07, 2015, 04:41:40 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/jrB4Wz.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pojrB4Wzj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on May 21, 2015, 10:35:38 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/SGoJeq.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnSGoJeqj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on May 22, 2015, 10:58:17 am
Nice.

 :whistle
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on June 06, 2015, 03:55:39 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/4KTO7h.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pn4KTO7hj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on June 06, 2015, 02:56:15 pm
Looks like the Christmas Parade in one of the towns I lived in in Texas.  Old folks in rocking chairs on top of a farm trailer, broken tree branches with camo dressed guys representing hunting club, Santa on a red and white decorated trailer throwing hard candy, and pulling drag, a guy riding his lawn mower.  Compare that to a N.O. Mardi Gras Parade.  I had to leave the area I was laughing so hard.
Title: seen at the biker rally
Post by: Chris on August 03, 2015, 05:15:20 pm
the morning after at the biker rally:

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/DfXSBm.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmDfXSBmj)

Hey, at least it was easy to pack on the bike!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on August 06, 2015, 11:48:36 am
ATGATT....uh,what?!  :what



Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 06, 2015, 03:19:35 pm
ATGATT....uh,what?!  :what

Reminds me of this:

(http://i256.photobucket.com/albums/hh162/williamv1203/rolliefreeonvincent.jpg) (http://s256.photobucket.com/user/williamv1203/media/rolliefreeonvincent.jpg.html)

Rollie Free on a Vincent Black Shadow doing whatever it takes on his way to 150 mph and the American absolute motorcycle speed record on Monday, Sept 13, 1948.  No Joke!

I used to keep a framed copy of this photo hanging in my classroom.  At least once a year some youngster would ask me why I had that photo up.  I'd take it down and tell the story of Rollie Free and that record to show the kids that sometimes to achieve your goals you have to do whatever it takes.

(The "Bathing Suit Bike" still exists and may be the most valuable Vincent of them all.)
Title: Senior Citizen amusements
Post by: Chris on August 12, 2015, 09:36:08 am
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole."  He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.  So Shirley (my wife) called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away.

We waited until he was out of sight before we crossed the street to our motorcycle and got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers.

It's important to do what you can to enjoy life at our age.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on August 12, 2015, 08:31:48 pm
 :34 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on August 20, 2015, 08:51:12 am
nothing to do with motorcycles, just funny.  had to share.....
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 20, 2015, 04:11:28 pm
Funny!  I had to share that one on the DoDDS teacher facebook page.


Thanx!

Chris
Title: Inexpensive Ohlins Forks!
Post by: Chris on August 27, 2015, 03:34:06 am
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/Ohlins%20forks.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/Ohlins%20forks.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 16, 2015, 04:33:13 am
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker & a frozen carburetor. Last January, on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing & wearing a full-face helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.

"What's the matter?" asked the Trooper.

"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."

"I can't," said the biker.

"OK, watch me closely & I'll show you."

The Trooper unzipped & promptly warmed the carburetor as promised.

Moments later the bike started & the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the local State Troopers' office rec'd a note of thanks from the father of the motorcyclist.

It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on September 16, 2015, 08:08:54 am
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 16, 2015, 02:37:23 pm
Chris, that was a good one.  But his daughter has probably seen one or two or.....
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on September 17, 2015, 08:52:46 am
 ;D   :lol

that was a good chuckle - thanks Chris
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 28, 2015, 05:59:20 pm
Video reminds me of my Father.  He put a set of air horns on our car with an air tank in the trunk.  He would pull up behind a semi (by the way, he was a truck driver also) and blow the air horns.  People couldn't believe it.  They were on a 1953 Studebaker Commander 2-door hardtop.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on September 28, 2015, 09:23:35 pm
 :21
Title: Re: Scooter with a high performance exhaust note
Post by: Deuce on September 29, 2015, 09:07:25 pm
https://www.facebook.com/OrgulhoHeteroBR/videos/1025399570857398/

 :lol
Title: How Triumph Builds the Rocket 3!
Post by: Chris on October 06, 2015, 03:26:18 am
In this behind the scenes documentary the secret processes Triumph uses in the making of each and every  Rocket 3! are revealed! I myself had been previously dismissive of the Rocket 3! but having seen the role played by Rowan Atkinson as Blackadder in injecting the fun into the Rocket 3! (see 1:30 in the video) I now think I must have my very own  Rocket 3!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPeyhiD7KYw
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on October 06, 2015, 04:54:21 am
Nice!

Very british, but nice.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: BudLong on October 06, 2015, 06:39:25 am
 :o

 ::)

 ;D
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on October 21, 2015, 04:38:21 pm
New oil on the market! Not sure if it's motorcycle specific but, it smells nice!  ;D

Sonny
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on October 21, 2015, 05:25:48 pm
That's my brand so I'll have to look for it next oil change.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 22, 2015, 07:35:44 am
Wow...Great find Sonny!



Flavored oils.  Now that's an interesting idea.  Would some flavors suit certain bikes better?

Triumphs = Irish Cream flavor

Ducatis = Amaretto flavor

Suzukis - Wasabi  flavor

Hondas = Strawberrys and Cream flavor

Harleys = Apple Pie flavor

And the Pumpkin Spice flavor?   Definitely Indians.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on October 26, 2015, 12:52:33 pm
ATGATT!  ;D

(on a pink H1, no less)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 26, 2015, 06:05:42 pm
We found K filly a bike!!!!!!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 26, 2015, 09:15:05 pm
We found K filly a bike!!!!!!

And a heck of a riding outfit!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on October 27, 2015, 09:28:45 pm
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on October 28, 2015, 09:54:17 am
I like that bike. And the riders gear is not bad.

 8)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on October 28, 2015, 11:12:07 am
Costume would certainly surprise some motorists when you pass them or pull up to a traffic light.

I have a cousin in Kentucky that has a pink 750.  Unfortunately she hasn't been able to ride it much lately.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on October 28, 2015, 11:14:26 am
True story.

Was talking to a guy about his speed triple the other day.

Said he has never had any electrical problems with it.

And he said it with a straight face.

Thats some funny **** right there.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 28, 2015, 01:45:01 pm
True story.

Was talking to a guy about his speed triple the other day.

Said he has never had any electrical problems with it.

And he said it with a straight face.

Thats some funny crap right there.


Woohoo!  Time for Lucas electrics jokes!  And as someone who has owned three Nortons and an old MG as well as a Morris Marina I'm pretty well qualified to comment on Joe Lucas,Prince of Darkness.



The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

Lucas headlight dimmer switch positions: LOW and BLOW. 

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

Lucas electrics are proof positive that the last technology the British were really good at was the steam engine.

Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 28, 2015, 01:50:58 pm
Ooops, I forgot to add one:

The reason there was never a British manned space program dates to the late 1960s.  A two man space capsule was designed and a couple of RAF test pilots from Boscombe Down were in training to fly it.  But when they entered the first man rated production space capsule they couldn't help but notice the small plaque on the instrument panel proudly proclaiming, "Electrics by Lucas".  They were brave men but not suicidal and flatly refused to fly.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on October 28, 2015, 01:52:07 pm
 :23


did actually laugh out loud.


that was awesome!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 28, 2015, 06:22:37 pm
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on October 28, 2015, 06:56:02 pm
Chris, those were great.  Had to so some chuckling myself.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on November 27, 2015, 02:51:06 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/HjcRZJ.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poHjcRZJj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on December 14, 2015, 06:20:47 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/po288i.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmpo288ij)]
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 01, 2016, 07:10:21 am
Some of us here on ETB are getting on up there so I thought I'd share this idea as a public service:

 (http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/2YwoER.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/po2YwoERj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: sbulla on January 01, 2016, 04:06:11 pm
Some of us here on ETB are getting on up there so I thought I'd share this idea as a public service:

Funny! Might have to steal that one.  :21

Sonny
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 23, 2016, 10:59:41 pm
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/12592721_1236653769697027_8372837786745045724_n.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/12592721_1236653769697027_8372837786745045724_n.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: IanC on January 24, 2016, 12:07:45 pm
It used to be. Kids.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 24, 2016, 04:52:14 pm
It used to be. Kids.

That's pretty funny too!  :)

Speaking of where kids come from.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4dQ0RchtJw
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on January 24, 2016, 05:09:26 pm
Now that was funny.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 25, 2016, 05:33:09 pm
Three ETB riding buddies were sitting in a bar after a long days ride having a beer. One looks up and says to the

others, "Look at those old farts over there across from us. That'll be us in ten years!"

His buddy responded, "That is us you idiot, you're looking at the mirror."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on January 25, 2016, 06:05:31 pm
When I look at my drivers license photo, I don't know who that is. Looks like some old man.

 :groan
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 08, 2016, 09:47:22 am
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/CartoonBMWGuy.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/CartoonBMWGuy.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on February 08, 2016, 10:28:01 am
I did that this morning.  Had coffee with the elderlies.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: IanC on February 08, 2016, 12:48:15 pm
There was that Canadian Starbucks plan. ..

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk

Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: IanC on February 08, 2016, 01:37:58 pm
Either way.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 02, 2016, 03:12:03 am
Not a motorcycle joke but I thought this was pretty funny.


(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/3f05810a6c07f2c079099d4b8cf4f3a6_1.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/3f05810a6c07f2c079099d4b8cf4f3a6_1.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on March 02, 2016, 12:29:50 pm
A cult? The Marine Corp is the greatest fighting force ever created since the beginning of time.

 :angry
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on March 02, 2016, 01:27:19 pm
A cult? The Marine Corp is the greatest fighting force ever created since the beginning of time.

 :angry



just dont mention that theyre a division of the navy or they get all upset. . . .  :31
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 10, 2016, 03:04:00 am
(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/Motorcycle-cartoon.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/Motorcycle-cartoon.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 06, 2016, 04:09:13 am
This should be the vision test for car drivers!


(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/Vision%20test%20for%20car%20drivers.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/Vision%20test%20for%20car%20drivers.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on September 06, 2016, 06:42:16 am
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 06, 2016, 12:09:23 pm
Agree Sarge.  Just A Few Good Men.  May be a part of the Navy but they sure have some very large Taxis.

Chris, love the I chart.  Think the symbols should start a lot larger.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on September 06, 2016, 10:57:02 pm
Jackie and I stopped in a bar for a break on a MC Ride the other day.

Don't worry we don't drink and ride because Rooty Toot, Rooty Toot we are the boys from EastTnBikers Institute.  8) 

This is about who we are.

Jackie being fast on his feet jumped to the stool next to the good looking blond and sat his helmet on the bar.

The good looking blonde asked, "Are you a MC Rider." 

Jackie said, "I reckon, that's my helmet, I have my leathers on, and I rode in here on a MC."

The blond was OK with that. Then said, "I'm a Lesbian because I get up thinking about women, think about them all day, and go to bed thinking about women."

Jackie thought about that for a few minutes, then said, "Dang, I guess I'm a Lesbian too."  >:D

Based on that definition -- lot more Lesbians than meet the eye.   :banghead
 

 
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 07, 2016, 12:48:29 am
Funny!

(So Jackie will be flying a rainbow flag on his scoot now?  :)  )
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 07, 2016, 01:13:46 am
This one reminds me of a turn near Cambridge in the UK and ending up 50 feet into a farmer's field back in 1985.   

(http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w19/ducatimonster05/joe%20bar%20team%20and%20other%20stuff/joebarteamshortcut.jpg) (http://s172.photobucket.com/user/ducatimonster05/media/joe%20bar%20team%20and%20other%20stuff/joebarteamshortcut.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 07, 2016, 02:43:37 pm
That shortcut is a lot like Paul's rides.  He tells us the are roads but not like I usually see.  And by the way, meeting those Lesbians you'll find out they are not all true Lesbians.  HA.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on September 07, 2016, 05:51:47 pm
Not All Lesbians.  HUMMM >:D

Reminds me of a story (Not MC related) that Patty Wazak told at her Country Tonight Theater Show.

Nun in a Taxi. Taxi driver kept looking in his rear view mirror.

Nun asked, "Why do you keep looking at me in the mirror?'

Taxi Driver said, "Always wanted to kiss a nun."

Nun said, "Requirements for that are - Catholic and Single."

Taxi driver said, "That's great, I am both."

So they stopped and had a big long sloppy kiss.  :22

A little later down the road, Taxi driver said, "Sister, I have a confession. I'm not single and not a Catholic."

Nun said, "That's OK - I'm not a Nun. My name is Mark and I'm dressed for a Halloween Costume party."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 10, 2016, 02:34:26 pm
Paul!  We're seeing a whole new side of you!  :)

Keep up the jokes!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 15, 2016, 12:45:14 am
...and then...all of a sudden..the air bag deployed!!

(http://i779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/biketravelr/easttnbikers%20photos/Motorcycle%20Airbag.jpg) (http://s779.photobucket.com/user/biketravelr/media/easttnbikers%20photos/Motorcycle%20Airbag.jpg.html)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on September 15, 2016, 05:27:30 pm
 I wonder if it has the seal of the Federal Highway Safety Dept. on it?  Must be a real wind drag hauling it around like that.  I've always promoted safety but this is just a notch or two too much.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on September 15, 2016, 07:02:28 pm
He better not let it catch the wrong air or he'll be walking air and we will have a riderless bike down below.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 28, 2016, 10:10:51 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/t36sFu.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmt36sFuj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 30, 2016, 05:47:01 pm
I don't really know what to say about this one...


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/hW2Jz4.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnhW2Jz4j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 01, 2016, 03:20:10 am
What do you call a chaplain on a motorcycle?


Rev.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 01, 2016, 06:05:15 am
I don't really know what to say about this one...


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/hW2Jz4.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnhW2Jz4j)hard

I bet getting drug off wouldn't be hard.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 07, 2016, 07:42:25 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/cHeZX9.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pocHeZX9j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 10, 2016, 11:47:08 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/1psMYR.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/po1psMYRj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 10, 2016, 04:20:46 pm
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 11, 2016, 10:58:17 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/psyyyr.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmpsyyyrj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 12, 2016, 05:41:14 am
That could get interesting in your case.A video could be some real entertainment.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: El Borrego on October 12, 2016, 07:17:44 pm
No, Chris, the first word was not really a word, it was a GROAN.  But that was close enough.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 16, 2016, 12:58:44 pm
And then there's this for all those still holding down their place in the economy...


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/HNYWi5.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmHNYWi5j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on October 16, 2016, 08:19:26 pm
 :lol. First day back from vacation tomorrow. Not looking forward it.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 16, 2016, 08:52:54 pm
And now for some cultured high brow humour!

*********************************

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth.  In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do.  Rather than sit there the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak off stage and go to the bar for a quick one.  After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double bassists are prone to do) one of them looked at his watch.  "Hey! We need to get back!"   

"No need to panic, " said a fellow bassist.  "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.  It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the stage and took their places.  About this time a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course he is," said her companion.  "Don't you see?  It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 17, 2016, 05:25:08 am
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 22, 2016, 12:12:46 am
And, also for you folks still holding down a job, here's the other end of the work week:


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/W1qrQK.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnW1qrQKj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: gl1dinorider on October 22, 2016, 09:13:52 pm
Lets be clear

Im not holding down a job


Ive got a job holding me down!
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 31, 2016, 02:25:50 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/pcDYH3.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnpcDYH3j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 31, 2016, 05:41:55 pm
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 01, 2017, 02:12:00 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/cqLcCO.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmcqLcCOj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 01, 2017, 02:18:22 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/XjrTmo.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmXjrTmoj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 11, 2017, 09:03:30 pm
Good Answer!
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/ABQ9Lo.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poABQ9Loj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 19, 2017, 11:47:59 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/GxO7Ts.png) (https://imageshack.com/i/poGxO7Tsp)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on February 20, 2017, 09:26:19 pm
 :lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 22, 2017, 12:22:36 am
Two old bikers were sitting in a bar, bitching about growing old, when one asks the other, “at our age, what would you rather have, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?”

The other biker thought a moment, then replied, “Parkinson’s. Better to spill half my beer than forget where I put the bottle.”
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on April 01, 2017, 02:36:58 am
A young rider walked into an insurance agency to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"

"I've got a kickstand," the newbie replied. "Is that the same thing?"
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on April 04, 2017, 06:50:16 am
Gotta Love all This -- It's Good.  ;D
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on June 24, 2017, 09:17:26 am
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated on him and when he came round he was relieved when they told him all had gone to plan and he was going to be fine.

But the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. He was worried that something may be wrong but he was still too weak from the surgery to do anything. Eventually, he managed to pull his hospital gown down enough to check what was causing the discomfort. When he looked down at his chest he saw three wide strips of ultra-adhesive tape stuck firmly to him. Written on it in large black letters was the message:

"Get well soon... from the nurse you gave the ticket to last week. I'll be round to remove the tape later."
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on June 24, 2017, 04:01:58 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 08, 2017, 10:44:21 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/923/XaEfks.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnXaEfksj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on July 08, 2017, 09:06:23 pm
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated on him and when he came round he was relieved when they told him all had gone to plan and he was going to be fine.

But the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. He was worried that something may be wrong but he was still too weak from the surgery to do anything. Eventually, he managed to pull his hospital gown down enough to check what was causing the discomfort. When he looked down at his chest he saw three wide strips of ultra-adhesive tape stuck firmly to him. Written on it in large black letters was the message:

"Get well soon... from the nurse you gave the ticket to last week. I'll be round to remove the tape later."
:lol
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 11, 2017, 09:47:01 am
BIKERS ON THE HILL GOING BANANAS!


From last weeks highlights...I have no idea what's going on here.


(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/c9cT0U.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnc9cT0Uj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 12, 2017, 09:10:32 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/9hJNpg.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/po9hJNpgj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on July 12, 2017, 06:33:44 pm
That's more fact than humor sadly.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 18, 2017, 10:03:03 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/UJavsP.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poUJavsPj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on July 19, 2017, 04:56:54 am
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 01, 2017, 11:14:45 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/nf0Hgj.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/ponf0Hgjj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 03, 2017, 11:15:31 am
Good plan Paul!

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/Ds6zny.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pnDs6znyj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on August 03, 2017, 07:11:04 pm
 :21 Hey Paul think Betty will fall for it. :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on August 04, 2017, 04:44:53 pm
Might work --- Betty does not know much about MCs.

Called my Red Ninja 500 "The Red Devil".  :happypep
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 05, 2017, 10:29:57 am
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/xq90/922/dWAagh.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmdWAaghj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 26, 2017, 10:52:21 am
The famous French biking comic strip Joe Bar was about a bunch of 1970s bikers who hung out at Joe's Bar and their misadventures.  Here's a sample translated to British English.  (Note:  In the French original Eddie isn't saying "bugger" as he and his CB 750 fly off the road...the original French word is "merde".)


JOE BAR

(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/U55muG.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmU55muGj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on August 26, 2017, 03:31:29 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on August 26, 2017, 04:16:07 pm
That be a true Dual Sport rider. 
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 14, 2017, 07:50:56 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/t8ebLz.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmt8ebLzj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 20, 2017, 06:24:22 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/Rrwg4x.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poRrwg4xj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on October 22, 2017, 02:25:16 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/924/aE9cwI.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poaE9cwIj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on October 22, 2017, 08:11:39 pm
 :21 :18
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on November 19, 2017, 01:18:41 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/923/5sXgLQ.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pn5sXgLQj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on November 19, 2017, 02:13:04 pm
Thats where trikes,sidecars,and trailers come in.Keepin knees in breeze.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on December 07, 2017, 12:38:10 pm
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/1024x768q90/922/tsh0aB.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmtsh0aBj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on December 07, 2017, 07:55:07 pm
And a very Merry Christmas it was.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on December 16, 2017, 06:09:11 pm
A seasonal safety message:

- - DRUNK DRIVING WARNING - -

As we get to the holidays it's important to remember that the roads will be extra hazardous.  Here's a fellow motorcyclist's story:

"I know we bike owners are responsible, but this is a warning to be careful about drunk driving as we are getting close to Christmas.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends after work. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many pints and then topped it off with a couple of jaegerbombs. Not a good idea. Knowing full well I was over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before...
I left my bike in town and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalizer tests. Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise..
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from."

Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on December 16, 2017, 07:02:01 pm
 :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Deuce on December 18, 2017, 10:32:48 am
Hahahahaha
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 25, 2018, 09:07:42 pm
hmmm...

(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/924/FaNb5N.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poFaNb5Nj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on January 28, 2018, 10:56:19 pm
(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/922/UBTmoL.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmUBTmoLj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on January 29, 2018, 07:51:38 pm
This I like.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on January 29, 2018, 08:31:19 pm
It's all laughable.  :34
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 06, 2018, 10:58:05 am
(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/924/K2yB8A.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poK2yB8Aj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on February 06, 2018, 10:59:59 am
(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/922/PMSg44.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmPMSg44j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on February 06, 2018, 06:41:31 pm
 :21
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Sarge on February 06, 2018, 09:01:33 pm
Looking good on Friday.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on March 09, 2018, 11:06:11 am
#2 gets me all the time...


(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/922/KWkOgf.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pmKWkOgfj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Luvmystar on March 09, 2018, 06:33:18 pm
 :21 You come up with all the good sayings
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on March 10, 2018, 09:27:12 am
Got one from a friend by E Mail the other day. At first it alarmed me as was about a Mitch (I had a neighbor Mitch that lost a lower right leg from an accident on a ride we were on and is still riding - scares heck out of me cause I rode with him again once and he ended up in a ditch on a moderate curve). Anyway, the story started with a Mitch wrecking his Harley in a ditch. I thought NOT AGAIN.

Anyway, I soon realized it was a story (Joke).

Went something like this:  >:D

Mitch and his Harley ended up in a ditch.
Mitch manged to crawl out of the ditch and was on the side of the road with injuries.
A car (convertible with a beautiful blond and a very low cut blouse) arrived to help.
Mitch managed to raise his damaged body up to look into the car and saw the beautiful blonde with her low cut blouse.

She asked, "Can I help, maybe drive you to the Emergency Room?"
Mitch considering the low cut blouse said, "Yes, I would be appreciative."
So, she took Mitch to the E Room and checked him in. Then, she asked, "Can I notify someone that you are here, maybe your wife?"

Mitch said, "Yes, my wife would appreciate that."
She replied, "OK, I will contact her. Where is your wife?"
Mitch said, "I guess she is in the ditch with the Harley."  :happypep :happyrider :pop   

PS: This is not meant to be sexual about women in low cut blouses (not in this day and time) -- Just showing what is most important (Ladies in Low Cut Blouses, MCs, or MCs?), you can decide.  :banghead
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 27, 2018, 01:14:35 am
(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/924/EA1rDX.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poEA1rDXj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 28, 2018, 03:25:55 am
Words of Wisdom....

(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/924/Cn4JaM.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/poCn4JaMj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on July 30, 2018, 12:08:19 am
I was up at the Gap last weekend and overheard a Hayabusa rider explaining to his buddy that after going into a hairpin way too hot he now knew adrenaline is brown.
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 10, 2018, 09:53:01 am
It's been raining for two days and it's raining again today.  This idea is starting to make sense...

(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/921/xJsfcJ.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/plxJsfcJj)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 19, 2018, 07:19:47 pm
(https://imagizer.imageshack.com/v2/1024x768q90/923/9P5DA9.jpg) (https://imageshack.com/i/pn9P5DA9j)
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on August 22, 2018, 07:30:38 pm
Spoiled Milk unless he waits til back near home.  :banghead :happyrider
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on August 28, 2018, 12:23:21 pm
Spoiled Milk unless he waits til back near home.  :banghead :happyrider

I often go out on the bike to get something for Rose only to remember just before I get home after a couple of hours, "Oh yeah...milk!"
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: PAULRIDES on August 31, 2018, 08:52:38 pm
Understand --- took me an hour to go to the gym the other day (8 mile trip). 

Not because of traffic it was the DANG Weather. That is the weather was so nice I got lost and did about 50 miles getting there.    :happypep :happyrider
Title: Re: motorcycle jokes
Post by: Chris on September 02, 2018, 06:54:30 pm
Understand --- took me an hour to go to the gym the other day (8 mile trip). 

Not because of traffic it was the DANG Weather. That is the weather was so nice I got lost and did about 50 miles getting there.    :happypep :happyrider

Here's hoping for more DANG weather!