Author Topic: motorcycle jokes  (Read 45397 times)

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #60 on: May 26, 2014, 07:37:31 pm »
A biker walks into a bar carrying a head.  Bartender asks "Hey whats up with the head?"
He says I found this on the road and figured I'd get him a drink.  The biker orders two
shots of wiskey and gives one to the head.

Well lo and behold the head starts shaking and all of a sudden he grows a neck and shoulders.
The biker orders another shot and gives it to the head.  Again he starts shaking and grows
a body and arms.

The biker and the bartender are amazed and the biker says wow, I've got to order him one more.
The bartender pours him another shot and the man grows legs and walks around saying this
is the best I have ever felt in my life.

The biker is simply amazed and in awe at what has just happened and orders two more drinks,
one for him and his new friend.

The head takes his shot and drinks it down with his own hand, he immediately starts shaking
and drops dead on the floor.  The biker can't believe what just happened, he looks over at
the bartender with a inquiring look on his face and asks "what happened?"

The bartender just said in a sad voice, "he should have quit while he was a head"

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #61 on: May 26, 2014, 07:42:43 pm »
A blonde biker chick was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local motorycle cop pulled her over and walked up to the bike. The officer, who also happened to be a blonde, asked for the blonde biker's driver's license.

The blonde biker chick searched frantically in her saddlebag for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde female cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde biker chick frantically searched her saddlebag again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde motorcycle cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the blonde biker chick and said, "Sorry, you're free to go. If I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #62 on: May 26, 2014, 07:44:00 pm »
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #63 on: May 26, 2014, 07:46:14 pm »
Two bikers riding across Texas are pulled over by a police cruiser. The officer walks up to the first biker, pauses while the riders remove their helmets, then pulls out his nightstick and whacks the first biker atop his head with the club.

AAOOWW!" the biker yells, "why'd yah do that!"
 
You're in Texas now, son," the trooper replied, "when an officer pulls you over, you pull out your license and hand it to him with a smile when he reaches you." After writing the ticket, the cop moves over to the other biker, who's now holding out HIS driving license and smiling. After the cop writes the ticket for this biker, he whacks HIM over the head with his nightstick.\
 
AAAOOOOWWWW!!" biker number 2 yells. "Why'd you hit ME? I GAVE you my damn license!"
Jest makin' yer wish come true, son," the cop answers.
 
"What?

Two miles down the road," the cop says, "you was gonna tell ur buddy, 'I wish that lousy sonofabitch would've tried that sh!t with ME!"

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #64 on: May 26, 2014, 07:47:16 pm »
A  drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a
drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He
gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,
biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck
naked.   Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.  His  buddies are
confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a
hat.  The drunk leans on the table again and  says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I  ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still
says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you
something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders
looks him square in the eyes and says....................

'Grandpa;.......  Go home!   
You're  drunk!' .

Offline RayMan

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #65 on: May 26, 2014, 09:10:05 pm »
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.


Haha...think it will work? Anybody want to volunteer to try it?

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #66 on: May 27, 2014, 06:13:27 pm »
Bob was out riding on his bike one cold day when the zipper on his leather jacket split. Since he still had a way to go, he stopped, put the jacket on backwards to keep the cold air off his chest and continued rider. Unfortunately, he his a slick spot on a corner and crashed into a tree, somewhat stunned.

When the ambulance arrived a while later, they asked the good Samaritan on the scene what happened. "Well, when I arrived there was the crashed bike at the tree and the rider was stumbling around. But by the time I got his helmet turned around straight, he was dead."

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #67 on: May 27, 2014, 06:15:30 pm »
A guy on a Harley stops in at a gas station to buy condoms. He brings his items to the counter and the cashier rings him up. As he's paying the cashier politely asks if he'd like a bag. The Harley guy responds, "Why? She ain't that ugly."

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #68 on: May 27, 2014, 10:26:49 pm »
CAUTION WIDE SCREEN LOAD

« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 09:59:32 am by Chris »
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Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #69 on: May 28, 2014, 05:04:30 pm »
OMG that is to funny

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #70 on: May 30, 2014, 01:53:48 pm »
« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:00:32 am by Chris »
CHRIS
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Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #71 on: May 30, 2014, 02:09:13 pm »
Feeling the BMW love here:


« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:01:48 am by Chris »
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Offline RayMan

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #72 on: May 30, 2014, 05:40:53 pm »
Feeling the BMW love here:




...I must not be grown up yet then. Lol.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:02:14 am by Chris »

Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #73 on: May 31, 2014, 07:14:28 am »
I see at least one idiot a day in riding in shorts

Offline gotgixers

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #74 on: May 31, 2014, 06:45:34 pm »
I see it all the time in Athens .... :groan
I PITY THE FOOL, THAT DONT RIDE OLDSCHOOL


Offline RandyRocks77

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #75 on: May 31, 2014, 07:21:26 pm »
I saw one of my co-workers today.. riding his R6 with a tank top on

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #76 on: May 31, 2014, 08:44:12 pm »
« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:02:58 am by Chris »
CHRIS
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1978 GS1000C / 1979 GS1000S / 1981 CM400C / 1986 RG500 GAMMA / 1988 R100RS / 1991 K100RS / 1997 GSF1200 BANDIT

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #77 on: June 13, 2014, 04:04:35 am »
« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:07:59 am by Chris »
CHRIS
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1978 GS1000C / 1979 GS1000S / 1981 CM400C / 1986 RG500 GAMMA / 1988 R100RS / 1991 K100RS / 1997 GSF1200 BANDIT

Offline Chris

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The oulaw biker: then and now
« Reply #78 on: August 28, 2014, 06:54:51 pm »
Things change.  One of those changes is how disaffected youth use a motorcycle to piss off the populace.

Being an outlaw biker:


Here's the old way:



and here's the new:

« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:12:10 am by Chris »
CHRIS
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Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #79 on: August 28, 2014, 07:24:00 pm »
« Last Edit: July 04, 2017, 08:26:14 pm by Chris »
CHRIS
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Offline RayMan

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #80 on: August 28, 2014, 09:58:51 pm »
I can see why he was confused.

Offline BudLong

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #81 on: August 29, 2014, 07:13:59 am »
that guy must be a newely wed (like less than 5 years).  in a marriage, anytime a woman says "do whatever the f*** you want" it has NEVER actually meant "do whatever the f*** you want"  it's ovary oriented code for "you had better figure out what the h*** it is that i want quick"

granted it takes a few years and a few scars for the average man to learn this.  hence my assumption that the guy is a newely wed.   :whistle

Offline Sarge

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #82 on: August 29, 2014, 10:16:59 am »
Or married too long to care.
Semper Fi

Offline sbulla

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #83 on: August 29, 2014, 03:27:20 pm »
Reason #3759 I never got married...  ;D

Sonny

Offline Sarge

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #84 on: August 29, 2014, 03:55:55 pm »
I have been married 24 yrs now and for the most part do what I want.
Semper Fi

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #85 on: September 08, 2014, 04:02:35 pm »
MOTORCYCLE MATH MADE EASY!



n+1



The final formula for the exact number of motorcycles you need to have.

Where n is the number of motorcycles you currently have.
CHRIS
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1978 GS1000C / 1979 GS1000S / 1981 CM400C / 1986 RG500 GAMMA / 1988 R100RS / 1991 K100RS / 1997 GSF1200 BANDIT

Offline Luvmystar

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #86 on: September 08, 2014, 05:24:37 pm »
 :21
Marc

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Offline RayMan

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #87 on: September 08, 2014, 07:41:33 pm »
MOTORCYCLE MATH MADE EASY!



n+1



The final formula for the exact number of motorcycles you need to have.

Where n is the number of motorcycles you currently have.



Hahaha, that is awesome. Had to steal it.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2014, 07:45:57 pm by RayMan »

Offline Chris

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #88 on: September 09, 2014, 04:50:36 pm »
So that's why they call them Ninjas!

« Last Edit: July 08, 2017, 10:15:41 am by Chris »
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1978 GS1000C / 1979 GS1000S / 1981 CM400C / 1986 RG500 GAMMA / 1988 R100RS / 1991 K100RS / 1997 GSF1200 BANDIT

Offline El Borrego

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Re: motorcycle jokes
« Reply #89 on: September 09, 2014, 06:42:34 pm »
Now that's what I call hugging a curve.